if i
if i
if i
then ill be happy

theres some train tracks
a five minute walk from where i live
right past the gas station
i force myself to keep walking

i dream of sitting in a backyard
sunlight flickering in through a tree
with a dog running towards me
then my alarm goes off

im moving soon
hours away from everything ive ever known
i pray to whoever's listening
to help me survive or kill me already

i once heard
you should find the good from the bad
im really bad at finding things

blaring lights and blinding sounds
im the designated driver
its other people's turn to make memories
i watch the sun set on a raised sidewalk
will i be part of their memories?

there is something i would do anything for
there is something i would cry for
there is something i would die for
i dont know what that something is

my lights
sometimes flicker
i cant deal with it
did i say lights
sorry

cracking wallpaper
cracking ceilings
cracking composure

i sleep well alone now
i weep well alone now
i keep myself alone now

and icarus laughed
even while falling he knew
that he had once flown